Comments on: Creative Writing Workshop 09-10 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."--Oscar Wilde Thu, 03 Dec 2009 03:40:40 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.2 hourly 1 By: pinky5 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/creative-writing-workshop-09-10/comment-page-4/#comment-6511 pinky5 Wed, 02 Dec 2009 22:36:27 +0000 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/?page_id=230#comment-6511 Puddles Darkening skies Gentle drizzle Cold breezes Send shivers down my spine Walking silently Hands in pockets Frozen fingers Empty hands One foot in front of the other Who knows where my path leads Not you Not I Pausing at a puddle Leaning down to stare At the face of a girl I swear I used to know Who is this girl For she could not be me Eyes cold and empty Stare into my soul A single tear Falls slowly Makes a splash Vanishes The ripples remain Spreading slowly Growing Changing Turning to go, I look downward once again And smile softly to myself For there is hope for me -Pinky5 Puddles

Darkening skies
Gentle drizzle
Cold breezes
Send shivers down my spine

Walking silently
Hands in pockets
Frozen fingers
Empty hands

One foot in front of the other
Who knows where my path leads
Not you
Not I

Pausing at a puddle
Leaning down to stare
At the face of a girl
I swear I used to know

Who is this girl
For she could not be me
Eyes cold and empty
Stare into my soul

A single tear
Falls slowly
Makes a splash
Vanishes

The ripples remain
Spreading slowly
Growing
Changing

Turning to go,
I look downward once again
And smile softly to myself
For there is hope for me

-Pinky5

]]> By: peetie5 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/creative-writing-workshop-09-10/comment-page-4/#comment-6484 peetie5 Tue, 01 Dec 2009 02:30:33 +0000 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/?page_id=230#comment-6484 justanother5anddime, I wanted to elaborate a little more on your last poem. I must say that you were brave to relax the rhyme scheme, I'm too much the perfectionist, but you wrote in a way in which it was necessary to do so. It was brilliant in its use of simple words which supported the simple statement. And the ending with its reaching out was effective to the reader who already felt a pull to the author through the stanzas before. I loved it in a unique way. It struck very close to home. Again, always looking forward to your next post. I must thank you for that. Until next time, peetie5 justanother5anddime,
I wanted to elaborate a little more on your last poem. I must say that you were brave to relax the rhyme scheme, I’m too much the perfectionist, but you wrote in a way in which it was necessary to do so. It was brilliant in its use of simple words which supported the simple statement. And the ending with its reaching out was effective to the reader who already felt a pull to the author through the stanzas before. I loved it in a unique way. It struck very close to home. Again, always looking forward to your next post. I must thank you for that.
Until next time,
peetie5

]]> By: peetie5 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/creative-writing-workshop-09-10/comment-page-4/#comment-6483 peetie5 Tue, 01 Dec 2009 02:18:32 +0000 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/?page_id=230#comment-6483 Telling Time Without the Clock Like grandfather your face was clear Though neither rhyme nor glass And taught of time, deserving eyes So ticked away the past At three with me the paths entwined The angel innocence And learned the numbers to the face That ticked so ever since At six the bells of tethered hearts Epitome of youth Till death do part our chasing hands Still ticking seemed the truth At nine the splintered rocking chair The crinkles deep reside But just as wine with better age The ticking never lied And the at twelve the final hour The creases crept inside In loving arms I held the face The ticking stopped, you died Like grandfather your face was clear Betraying ticks and tocks But taught of love and fragile life And time without the clock peetie5 Telling Time Without the Clock

Like grandfather your face was clear
Though neither rhyme nor glass
And taught of time, deserving eyes
So ticked away the past

At three with me the paths entwined
The angel innocence
And learned the numbers to the face
That ticked so ever since

At six the bells of tethered hearts
Epitome of youth
Till death do part our chasing hands
Still ticking seemed the truth

At nine the splintered rocking chair
The crinkles deep reside
But just as wine with better age
The ticking never lied

And the at twelve the final hour
The creases crept inside
In loving arms I held the face
The ticking stopped, you died

Like grandfather your face was clear
Betraying ticks and tocks
But taught of love and fragile life
And time without the clock

peetie5

]]> By: hi5 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/creative-writing-workshop-09-10/comment-page-4/#comment-6480 hi5 Mon, 30 Nov 2009 22:06:04 +0000 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/?page_id=230#comment-6480 "True Beliefs" Confusing ideas jumble in my head. I think endlessly about them. I am wondering if my thoughts reflect what I really feel Or am I occupying my mind to keep it off of the real matter at hands? hi5 “True Beliefs”
Confusing ideas jumble in my head.
I think endlessly about them.
I am wondering if my thoughts reflect what I really feel
Or am I occupying my mind to keep it off of the real matter at hands?
hi5

]]> By: peetie5 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/creative-writing-workshop-09-10/comment-page-4/#comment-6477 peetie5 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:42:13 +0000 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/?page_id=230#comment-6477 Justanother5anddime: It's a little joke between friends, and thanks for your last critique. As always I value your opinion above all. And I'm glad you decided to post here again. And about your last poem... story of my life!Glad writing could connect us once again! Thanks, peetie5 Justanother5anddime:
It’s a little joke between friends, and thanks for your last critique. As always I value your opinion above all. And I’m glad you decided to post here again. And about your last poem… story of my life!Glad writing could connect us once again!
Thanks,
peetie5

]]> By: the6supercoolguy http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/creative-writing-workshop-09-10/comment-page-4/#comment-6466 the6supercoolguy Mon, 23 Nov 2009 02:44:35 +0000 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/?page_id=230#comment-6466 5fanwriter: I really like what you did with this post. Its very interesting how you worded each individual line. I especially enjoyed the deep meaning you put into this. It reminds me of alot of other poems that I like. I would really enjoy to hear more things from you, you are very talented. 5fanwriter: I really like what you did with this post. Its very interesting how you worded each individual line. I especially enjoyed the deep meaning you put into this. It reminds me of alot of other poems that I like. I would really enjoy to hear more things from you, you are very talented.

]]> By: route66 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/creative-writing-workshop-09-10/comment-page-4/#comment-6458 route66 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 00:55:04 +0000 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/?page_id=230#comment-6458 pinky5- that was really good. I really like the title. and its fun to live on the edge. well sometimes at least, i wouldnt want to live on the edge too much and end up killing myself or something. haha, i favorite stanza is the last one. pinky5-

that was really good. I really like the title. and its fun to live on the edge. well sometimes at least, i wouldnt want to live on the edge too much and end up killing myself or something. haha, i favorite stanza is the last one.

]]> By: Coolwhip5 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/creative-writing-workshop-09-10/comment-page-4/#comment-6452 Coolwhip5 Sun, 22 Nov 2009 23:44:44 +0000 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/?page_id=230#comment-6452 This is a poem that i wrote during Mr. Hudsons class, when we had a sub. it was kinda a little scribble thing that i do at random times. Things are different inside my head, will they change or will they end? Time is strange inside my mind, i search and search but cannot find. Searching and searching, i look around but i know it's something that can't be found. My mind races, My heart beats fast. Is this it? Is it found at last? But alas, it's all in my mind. Or is it? This is a poem that i wrote during Mr. Hudsons class, when we had a sub. it was kinda a little scribble thing that i do at random times.

Things are different inside my head,
will they change or will they end?
Time is strange inside my mind,
i search and search but cannot find.
Searching and searching, i look around
but i know it’s something that can’t be found.
My mind races,
My heart beats fast.
Is this it?
Is it found at last?
But alas, it’s all in my mind.
Or is it?

]]> By: justanother5andime http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/creative-writing-workshop-09-10/comment-page-4/#comment-6448 justanother5andime Sun, 22 Nov 2009 23:02:24 +0000 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/?page_id=230#comment-6448 alright so i cant believe im posting this. i wrote this last spring, when i was very, very stressed out. this poem isnt sophisticated in rhyme scheme, nor does it have any deeper meaning, but it means alot to me. i really felt it when i was writing it, and sometimes i still do. i just ran across it in an old word doc and, since im pretty stressed with school work right now, i thought i just might post it on here. i had to edit it to be school appropiate, changing profanity and deleting lines with unsuitable content, so that mr hudson would put it through, but other than that, this is the absolute original version. homework, college apps, and looks reports, money, and thick books crazy hair and blue jeans how the hell do they all stay so lean? nasty rumors and a tough break up i wish the world would just shut the hell up missing assignments and bad grades to me its all starting to look like gray shades a weekend to sleep than back on my feet up at five every day im fighting to keep exhaustion at bay trying to stay strong and cope with the stress trying to see my way out of this colassal mess dissapointment and worry every day i dont want to live my life this way- but mediocricy and hard work- thats all life is anyway i used to dream big, but i was just a kid lifes about money- dreams sell for the living with the highest bid so day after day im barely surviving choking back tears and smiling i cant do this much longer, cant take the tears i can barely think, times ticking in my ears maybe im not good enough turns out im not made of tough stuff i cant keep my head i just want to go back to bed sleep away the next few years pretty soon ill be drowning in unshed tears but alarm clocks are hard to ignore and i know the world wont stop just becase im sore sometimes i wish i had the excuse of insanity to escape from this impossibly harsh reality im dead on feet, worried for my sanity, trying not to cry, looking for the sun through the pouring rain im tired of this shit, this endless life and death game! im standing close to the edge, pushed to the ledge by too much contemplation i could never jump, but sometimes its easy for my imagination i feel like a bird stuck in a cage, lusting after blue skies singing a song of escape stuck in a world i hate, telling myself lies just to survive im starting to lose faith and wondering about reality i think im loosing it all it feels like the world is slipping away all of a sudden its a beer im sipping, is there another way? and im letting it happen, just staring at the sky wondering is my life just a big freaking lie? i cant lose my hold but i sure wish i could cry im still staring at the horizon, looking for the sun whatever happened to hakuna matata and fun? but for miles clouds are all i can see im think im letting go, please someone come rescue me! justanother5andime alright so i cant believe im posting this. i wrote this last spring, when i was very, very stressed out. this poem isnt sophisticated in rhyme scheme, nor does it have any deeper meaning, but it means alot to me. i really felt it when i was writing it, and sometimes i still do. i just ran across it in an old word doc and, since im pretty stressed with school work right now, i thought i just might post it on here. i had to edit it to be school appropiate, changing profanity and deleting lines with unsuitable content, so that mr hudson would put it through, but other than that, this is the absolute original version.

homework, college apps, and looks
reports, money, and thick books
crazy hair and blue jeans
how the hell do they all stay so lean?
nasty rumors and a tough break up
i wish the world would just shut the hell up
missing assignments and bad grades
to me its all starting to look like gray shades

a weekend to sleep
than back on my feet
up at five every day
im fighting to keep exhaustion at bay
trying to stay strong and cope with the stress
trying to see my way
out of this colassal mess

dissapointment and worry every day
i dont want to live my life this way-
but mediocricy and hard work- thats all life is anyway
i used to dream big, but i was just a kid
lifes about money- dreams sell for the living with the highest bid

so day after day im barely surviving
choking back tears and smiling
i cant do this much longer, cant take the tears
i can barely think, times ticking in my ears

maybe im not good enough
turns out im not made of tough stuff
i cant keep my head
i just want to go back to bed
sleep away the next few years
pretty soon ill be drowning in unshed tears

but alarm clocks are hard to ignore
and i know the world wont stop just becase im sore
sometimes i wish i had the excuse of insanity
to escape from this impossibly harsh reality
im dead on feet, worried for my sanity,
trying not to cry, looking for the sun through the pouring rain
im tired of this shit, this endless life and death game!

im standing close to the edge, pushed to the ledge by too much contemplation
i could never jump, but sometimes its easy for my imagination
i feel like a bird stuck in a cage, lusting after blue skies
singing a song of escape stuck in a world i hate, telling myself lies just to survive
im starting to lose faith and wondering about reality
i think im loosing it all it feels like the world is slipping away
all of a sudden its a beer im sipping, is there another way?

and im letting it happen, just staring at the sky
wondering is my life just a big freaking lie?
i cant lose my hold but i sure wish i could cry
im still staring at the horizon, looking for the sun
whatever happened to hakuna matata and fun?
but for miles clouds are all i can see
im think im letting go, please someone come rescue me!

justanother5andime

]]> By: justanother5andime http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/creative-writing-workshop-09-10/comment-page-4/#comment-6436 justanother5andime Sun, 22 Nov 2009 18:31:16 +0000 http://hudsonc.edublogs.org/?page_id=230#comment-6436 peetie5- your last poem, "When Nothing in Life Goes Right, Turn Left", was clever, interesting, beautifully prosed, and, as always, very, very good. what did THEGAME05 mean by "I know who you are and what youre doing"? yours, justanother5andime peetie5-
your last poem, “When Nothing in Life Goes Right, Turn Left”, was clever, interesting, beautifully prosed, and, as always, very, very good.
what did THEGAME05 mean by “I know who you are and what youre doing”?
yours,
justanother5andime

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